Evil Cookies
by DraculinaAyumu
Summary: A box of cookies that makes someone fall in love with the first person they touch creates havoc on Hellsing. Integra hires experts out desperation in hope to calm the chaos. [suck at summaries]
1. Chapter 1:Cookies? Yummy!

**Me: Hello and welcome to the first chapter of my first story thingy! **

**Alucard: Just get on with the disclaimer…**

**Me: Fine! I do not own Hellsing and this was inspired by Jamew85 and her comic Evil Cookies (as the title is) in Deviantart**

**Enjoy!**

Integra quickly placed the cookies in the box, letting out an evil laugh rival to Alucard's. "There, now to see if everything else is in order." She said, walking out the door, unsuspecting of the red eyes above her. Alucard dropped down. "Hmm, cookies?" Alucard said, opening the box slightly grabbing a cookie. "In the end the only human food I like…" He said munching on the cookie. "Walter, is everything ready to leave?" Integra's voice was heard, followed by a, "Yes, sir" from Walter. Alucard finished off the cookie and closed the box. Integra came in grabbing the box from the table. "Good, we leave as soon as this package is at its destination." "You're going on a holiday, Master?" Alucard asked eyeing the box, hoping for a chance to grab another cookie. "Of course." Integra simply replied. "May I go to Italy? Please!" Alucard begged. "Yes, you are free over the weekend." Integra answered. "Yahoo!" Alucard jumped in the air singing: "I will kill the Judas Priest!" Integra just sighed. "Whatever, I can't stop you anyway."

Some time later in Rome…

Anderson placed the box in front of Maxwell's desk. "This package just came in. it's from Hellsing." Anderson said. "Unusual…but who says they're not poisoned?" Maxwell said lifting the lid taking a sneak peek. "They aren't." Anderson said happily munching on a cookie. "You sure?" Maxwell asked. "Yes." Anderson said swallowing the chewed up cookie. "Alright, then they're all yours. Some vampires have been seen in the province, take care of it." Maxwell said leaning back in his chair. Anderson pulled out his bayonets and laughed like a mad man and ran off. "He always becomes so fond of sweets at the period of fasting. Hmm, maybe I should've just kept the cookies for myself." Maxwell said regretfully laying a hand on his rumbling stomach.

In the province…

The vampire panted as he ran down an alley, hearing the chants behind him. He gasped when he came across a dead end. "_**Amen!" **_The vampire turned around and faced the feared paladin holding his bayonets menacingly. Anderson was about to strike but suddenly the vampire's head blew off and his useless corpse fell. Alucard came out of the shadows, reloading his Cassul. "You kept me waiting, _**Judas Priest!" **_Alucard laughed. "Let's begin." Anderson said charging at him.

Integra laughed like maniac as Seras walked in. "Maxwell thinks I've sent him **normal **cookies but…" She let out a laugh again, "they were Chinese-medicine-cookies! And anyone who eats them feels the first person who touches them as very attractive and pleasant!" Seras widened her eyes. "Oh! But what if someone different than Maxwell eats them?" Seras wondered. "Don't be silly, it's the period of fasting so he must be hungry. He probably ate them and hugged a nun or something."

Anderson and Alucard stood in a very compromising position. Anderson's arms were wrapped around Alucard's waist while Alucard had his arms around Anderson's neck. "Why are we hugging each other?" Anderson asked looking around for anyone who might see them. "I don't know but don't stop…"

**Did you like it? Was it horrible? Was it amazing? **

**Review and tell me but no flames about the so called "pairing"**

**This thing is only meant to be cute so if you don't like it keep your mean thoughts to your self! Also I will not update till I get at least 10 reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2:Chaos begins

**Me: Ok well thanks to Zizzi Hungarian, MegFallow, getoutofmyface, and vamplover I've decided to update early! Also before you mean people report me I have already asked Jamew85 if I can do this and she said I could! I don't steal things! And since Evil Cookies wasn't finished I'll add my own madness to this!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing and was inspired by Jamew85 and her comic.**

**Enjoy!**

Anderson and Alucard separated staring at each other in disbelief. "Wha-what's going on?" Anderson asked. "I don't know but I like your complexion." Alucard commented. Anderson smiled. (A/N: Have you ever noticed that he has scarily straight and shiny teeth?) "You have such beautifully untidy hair." He said brushing Alucard's hair. Alucard laughed. "Now don't get even more crazy, your hair is in much more disorder." He inhaled Anderson's scent. "You smell so wonderful like incense and…blood." Alucard held onto Anderson's coat. "Come one beloved. Let us flee to an area more suited to our love." Anderson hesitantly pushed Alucard away. "No…I can't the celibathy." (A/N: Does anyone know what that means?) Alucard pulled Anderson back into an embrace similar to the one before. "How can love be a sin? Forget the church and let us become happy together!" Anderson smiled again. "You are a sin." Alucard smiled back. "I know." Anderson pulled out his bible and the pages flew about. "Now where shall we go? Your place or mine?" Anderson asked as the pages enveloped them.

Back in the Hellsing Manor…

"Man, this was a wonderful disco evening! And since Integra and Master are out on a holiday, the whole place belongs to me!" Seras said as she opened the front door. She hung up her coat and leaned on the wall. "Now to make it an even better night," She walked toward the living room, "Anime until early morning, music with no volume limit, sleep in, raid the sweets cupboard, and-ACK!" Seras nearly fell back from the very creepily cute scene. Alucard and Anderson cuddling on the couch, it was so cute you can puke. If you listened carefully you can hear Alucard mumble. "Don't stop please."

Seras rushed to the phone and dialed a number. "Hello?" Integra answered. "Excuse me sir, but this is an emergency! Maxwell didn't eat the cookies!" Integra raised an eyebrow. "What? Did two nuns marry each other?" Integra asked into the phone. Seras looked back into the living room seeing Anderson feeding Alucard a cookie. "Even worse…MUCH worse!" Integra frowned. "I'll be there as soon as I can." They both hung up.

Integra rushed in through the Hellsing door, shaking out her umbrella. "Alright, I'm back now who ate the cookies?" She asked closing the umbrella and hanging it. "Anderson, sir." Integra raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh? That's all? What's wrong with that?" She asked. "What? You want to wash my back? Oh you!" A voice was heard from the door behind Seras. "Well…" Seras began. "Was that Alucard's voice?" "Um, Sir Integra…" "Why is he in my bathroom?" Integra asked, opening the door. "Sir! I wouldn't go in there if I were…" By this time Integra opened the door fully, freezing. "…you." Seras finished. Integra fainted. Anderson peeked his head out. "Oh, it as just Integra Alu-chan!"

Integra leaned on Seras as she supported her. "What did I do?" Integra grumbled in shock. She stood upright. "Seras, where are the cookies?" She asked frantically. "In the kitchen." Seras responded. Integra rushed to the kitchen. "I think we should get rid of the cookies before they do more damage." Seras said calmly following Integra. "Uh oh." Integra said, horrified. "What?" Seras asked. Integra pointed at the empty box of cookies lying on the floor. "I've created two monsters!" Integra cried.

Integra healed after a few minutes then took on her old commanding role. "Seras, go to the Chinese store in the Oxfordnel street and ask for an antidote. I'll try to prevent things from getting worse!" "Yes sire!" Seras said, running off. Integra mentally called for Alucard and in a few seconds he appeared before her. "Alucard! From now on you'll stay away from Anderson!" "No!" Alucard gasped. "Yes! And no objections, it's an order." Alucard sighed. "Then I have no other choice…" Integra raised an eyebrow (A/N: Again!) "Alexander!" Alucard yelled. In a matter of minutes Anderson appeared before them. Alucard ran into Anderson's arms. "Alexander! She commands me to leave you! She-she wants to part us and deprive me of you love!" Integra stood confused. Alucard just tattled on her. Anderson came up and pulled out his bayonets. "You want what?" Anderson said like a maniac. While behind Anderson, Alucard was reveling in his sadness. "That I had to go that far…"

Somewhere in Rome…

Maxwell sat at his desk wondering where his best agent was. "Where is Anderson? Usually he finishes his job quickly, might there've been complications? Or maybe he went to terrorize Hellsing." Maxwell just sat there, thinking. He sat up and took his belongings ( which were conveniently packed in a suitcase) "I hope I'm not too late, hopefully he's alright!"

In Hellsing…

Integra ran down the hall, dodging the bayonets that were sent flying at her. "Help me!" She screamed.

And there's chapter 2! Hope you all enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Anyways please review! Your nice comments help get me going!


	3. Chapter 3:No antidote!

**Me: Alright here's another chapter! I only got 2 reviews for the 2****nd**** chapter but it still made me feel all warm inside and wanting to give more. Aren't I nice? **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing and this was inspired my Jamew85's comic.**

**Enjoy!**

Seras rushed through the door and hung her coat. "Sir Integra, I'm back!" She yelled. She waited for a response and all that came was silence. "Sir Integra? Master? A-Anderson...so quiet." Loud knocks came from the door that made Seras jump. She opened it to find…"Eek!" Seras screamed falling on her bum. Then came in an infuriated leader of Section XII Iscariot. "Do I look so ugly and horrifying Ms. Draculina?" He asked looking down at her. "N-no, I always react like this to Catholics lately…it's a reflex." Seras answered. Maxwell just glared at her. "Where's Integra?" He commanded. "She…um…I don't know." Seras answered, thinking: "He's scary." Maxwell just sighed. "Alright I'll just search for her myself." He went through the first door he could find and gasped. There on a cross, on the wall, was Integra nailed to the cross with bayonets. "Blasphemy!" Maxwell shouted. Integra glared at him and yelled, "Shut your mouth and get me down from here!"

Integra brushed herself off. "So, the cookies I sent you makes anyone who eats them fall in love with the first person they touch and…" Integra trailed off seeing Maxwell eating something. She slapped him. "Listen to me and don't eat when I speak to you!" She yelled at him. "Now where was I? Oh yes! It…" She stopped her rant when she felt arms encircle her waist. She turned her head back seeing it was Maxwell, hugging her from behind. "Maxwell, what are you doing? We have profession-is that a cookie crumb on your cheek!" Integra said, shocked. Maxwell just smiled. "You know Integra, I like strong women." "Oh no…" Integra mumbled. Seras was close by and watching the whole thing with confusion. "Psst, Seras where did the new box come from?" Integra whispered. "I-I have no clue, sir. Really!" Seras responded. Meanwhile, someone was listening in and realized he left his cookies in the kitchen. "Shit, fuck!" Pip cursed under his breath. "No matter, quick give me the antidote…and a crowbar while you're at it!" Integra said, pushing Maxwell away. "Well…" Seras mumbled. "What is it?" Integra asked, still pushing Maxwell away. "There is no antidote!" Seras admitted. Integra widened her eyes. "What?" She screamed, accidentally breaking Maxwell's neck. He fell to the ground. "Oh sweet pain! Ouch…" He moaned from the floor. Integra turned to Seras. "Again, what? Do you know what this means for us?" Integra told Seras. "Yes, but the shopkeeper told me more!" Seras said, preparing to tell the rant. Integra shushed her. "Not here! Let's go to my off-" Integra was pulled down, shrieking. "Damnit! Is the whole world against me?" "Um, sir?" "Yes?" "There's something sticking to you…" (A/N: This is where my madness starts!) Integra looked down to see what was holding her and it happened to be a crippled Maxwell holding onto her legs. Will he ever give up? Alucard and Anderson walked in hand in hand. "Are you hungry?" Anderson asked Alucard. Alucard just smiled and nodded. They strolled through everyone and began making sandwiches. It was if everything that was going on wasn't in their world. You could just feel a tingly feeling around them. Integra was able to pry Maxwell off of her and stood up. "Now, what were you saying?" Integra asked Seras. "Well, there isn't exactly an antidote but the effect of the cookies will spread somehow." Integra looked at her in disbelief. "We're doomed…" Was all that Integra could say.

**Alright well here it is! My chapters are short, I know but I try to please. I hope I will be able to write longer chapters but I'm lazy, I don't have a lot of time, but I love to keep my readers entertained. So review please!**


	4. Chapter 4: Evil Pie

**Me: Alright well, I see that people aren't reviewing…you disappoint me! But I hate making people wait so here's chapter 4 you still get your dose of AXAA along with IXM with so much more cute humor!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing but I so wish I did.**

**Enjoy!**

Integra paced in her office, worried on what will happen next. The craziest thing so far was Alucard and Anderson, who happened to stroll by her. Then there was Maxwell…speaking of him she hadn't seen him anywhere. As if on queue he jumped out of nowhere and glomped her. "My love!" He exclaimed. Integra twitched before running around in circles trying to rid of the clinging Maxwell (A/N: Imagine that in chibi form). Seras happened to come in and seeing an Integra running in circles is pretty damn funny so, Seras did what any normal huma-er-vampire would've done. Fall to the ground and laugh your ass of, dropping anything you were carrying. Integra stopped and looked at her Maxwell was still nuzzling her back. "Officer Seras?" She asked. Seras was able to choke out a "yes" and then a "sir". "What's that?" Integra asked pointing at the pink box on the floor. Seras calmed down. "It's an apple pie!" She said happily. (A/N: If Seras seems to be too chipper or hyper blame the chocolate I'm currently eating) Integra blinked. "Why is an apple pie here?" She asked again. Seras picked it up and held it out to Integra. "It's for you! From a secret admirer." Seras nudged Integra at the ending before leaving it on the desk. Maxwell let go of Integra and quickly walked to the box checking the tag attached to it. He growled. "You're supposed to be mine!" Maxwell cried, no literally tears were coming out rapidly. (A/N: Think crying Maxwell chibi with handkerchief) Integra just quickly took out a cigar and lit it, hoping it'll end her stress. (A/N: Why else would she smoke?) "Don't worry I'll just give it to the staff…like I care." Integra said picking up the box and heading out to where the men were training. "Walter prepare a table and some plates outside, I'm giving them a reward." She ordered Walter. He bowed. "Right away sir." He said walking out to do what he was told.

Pip Bernadette (A/N: By the way is it Bernadette or Vernadead? I don't understand which is correct) was out in the training grounds shouting orders to his men in French, when then came Seras with her freakishly-huge gun. Great, she'll explode everything… He thought. (A/N: I will attempt Pip's accent only because I think it is funny) "Hey! Seras girl!" he shouted at her, getting ready his flirtatious mood. Seras got an annoyed facial expression. "What do you want Captain?" She asked, obviously not in the mood for his antics. He just simply smiled. "I was wondering if you'd care to go out with me tonight?" Seras looked like she was going to beat him to oblivion. She then thought back to all the crazyness and decided a day away from the hell she is in would be nice. "Alright, but it'll be only a friendly outing! Not a date!" She exclaimed. Pip was smiling like an idiot by this time. "Alrighty!" He said.

Walter set up the table and placed the pie and some plates. As soon as he opened the box all of the Wild Geese mercenaries rushed to the table along with Seras, Alucard, and Anderson. Shrugging, Walter grabbed a piece him self. They all ate the unbelievably good pie but suddenly when they touched each other…all hell broke loose.

Seras and Anderson were fighting over Alucard who was stuck in the middle, confused. Pip had gone off with one of his mercenaries and Walter was eating his pie in solitude and saw what the pie was doing to everyone. Suddenly realizing that the pie was doing the same effects of the cookies, he throws away the remaining pie.

**EVIL PIE!!! Hehe well here it is, I bought 3,6, and 7 just recently and flipped through the pages and 3 words. Really. Fucking. Awesome. Anyways please review! Your reviews make me happy.**


	5. Chapter 5: Send in the experts!

**Me: Here's chapter 5 of Evil Cookies! Where we left off…Integra receives an apple pie and gives it to the men. More madness follows!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing if I did I'd make Alucard wear a ballerina outfit and run down the streets yelling, "I'm a pretty pink pony!"**

**Enjoy!**

"He's my master so he belongs to me!" Seras yelled tugging on Alucard's arm. "But he loves me don't you Alu-chan?" Anderson asked tugging on Alucard's other arm. Alucard just looked back and forth at the two people holding onto his arms. "I give up!" Alucard yelled, turning into bats. "Master!" "Alu-chan!" Both Seras and Anderson yelled as the group of bats flew away.

Integra twitched at the scene. She took a big drag from her cigar. "Walter," She started. "Yes sir?" Walter asked. "What happened here?" She asked, her eye twitching. "It seems the pie that was delivered had the same effect as the cookies. It has effected most of the Wild Geese and," He looked at the quarreling vampire and paladin. "Well let's say almost everyone is effected."

"Guten tag!" Schrödinger shouted popping out of nowhere. "Oh my God!" Integra yelled almost falling back. "Where'd you come from?" Integra asked. "I am everyvhere and-" He got cut off by Integra. "Yeah, yeah I got it." Schrödinger smiled. "I hope you enjoyed the pie! From the Major himself!" he looked around. "It looks like you didn't have some but this is better!" A random sneeze was heard and they all looked at the nearby bush. Alucard peeked out. "I wasn't here!" He shouted and ran off being chased by Seras and Anderson. "Who do you love Alucard?" Seras and Anderson yelled. "Ooh this is wery good!" Schrödinger cheered. Integra glared at him. "Why are you here?" She yelled. "I am here to see what the pie had done, and it seems it did a fine job!" He disappeared. "Haf fun!" He laughed.

Alucard sat on a couch lounging around watching some horror movie. There's only one thing more horrifying. He thought to himself and as if on queue Anderson and Seras came to snuggle up to him. Alucard mentally groaned. He turned to mist and slithered away. It seems I can't have my privacy till I choose. He thought.

Integra paced in her office. Every once in a while a very weird couple would walk by and then there'd be Alucard being chased by Seras and Anderson. How do I cure this insufferable effect? Integra thought in her mind. "Sir Integra, I was looking through Yellowbook and found these experts for such occasions." Walter said coming in with a yellowbook. "Let me see." Integra said grabbing the book. _Pastries making you loopy? Let us deal with it with our experts in the effects of foreign pastries! Call 800-evil-pastries. _It read. "Walter call these people immediately, I want this "disease" cured!" Walter bowed. "Yes sir."

**Well here it is! I'm really going to enjoy this and I'm sure you guys will also! Who will be sent? Who will Alucard choose? Oh and by popularity of votes I will see who will be chosen Seras or Anderson. Please review and vote for who Alucard should choose! **


	6. Chapter 6:The experts arrive

**Me: Well…I have good news and bad news. Good news: Hellsing volume 8 is coming soon in my area! Bad news: It's 50 days away and for some reason my moods are swaying more than usual. (Current mood: Pissed and depressed.) So if this seems too serious I'm sorry.**

**Votes:**

**Seras:1**

**Anderson:1**

**Enjoy!**

Integra tapped her foot, waiting outside of the Hellsing manor gates. "Where are those experts?" She shouted, frustrated. Walter looked at his watch. "They should be here already." He said. As if on queue a car came speeding toward the gate. A woman's head poked out. "Get out of the way!" She yelled. "Open the gates!" Integra shouted running from the speeding car. The gate opened just in time for the car to enter and screech to a stop. The doors opened and coming out were two girls. One had short black hair and emerald eyes; dressed in a sort of punker outfit and wearing a black beanie. The other had long brown hair and gentle hazel eyes; dressed in a long, colorful skirt, a pink tank top, and a brown beanie. "We are the Evil pastries experts!" they both exclaimed.

Integra sat at her desk, lighting a cigar, looking at the two women in front of her. "What are your names?" She calmly asked. The punker one stepped forward. "I am Robin and my sister here is Dove. We got your call and will have to stay and examine the effects." Robin said. Integra nodded. "Walter will escort you to your rooms." Robin and Dove nodded and followed Walter to a hallway.

Dove wandered off after finding her room to the staff lounge. There was a man with a cowboy hat over his face, sleeping on the couch, surrounded by several beer cans. Her curiosity spikes and goes over, poking his head till the cowboy hat fell. She raised her eyebrows. "Hi!" She shouted into his ear. The guy jumped and sat dazed. He turned to Dove. "Who are you?" He asked. Dove resumed an army stance. "I am from the Evil Pastries Company to rid of the effect of foreign pastries! I was called here by Integra Hellsing!" The guy raised an eyebrow. "I'm Pip Vernadead commander of the Wild Geese…" By the time Pip finished his introduction, Dove skipped off.

Alucard was in his hellhound form with six of his eyes closed revealing two. I hope they won't recognize me in this form. He thought to himself. He heard someone walking his way then stop mere centimeters away. He slowly turned around to find a kind of hippie girl. Her hazel eyes staring wide. "Doggy!" She shouted before pouncing on him. Alucard yelped and ran away. "I just want to pet you!" She yelled chasing after him toward the basements.

Robin impatiently stormed the hallways, looking for her sister. "Where can she be?" She growled. A scream was heard and Robin knew whose it was. "What have you done now Dove?" She asked to herself. She sprinted toward the scream.

She arrived in a dark room and there was Dove sitting on her bum staring at a tall man clad in red. Dove turned to Robin and pointed at the man. "He was a doggy sister!" She shouted. Robin sighed. "You were probably seeing things again. No way could an ordinary guy turn into a dog." Dove looked like she was going to cry. "He just turned into a guy in front of me when I wanted to pet his doggy form." She whined. Alucard looked at the two quarreling women in front if him. Dove poked his chest. "Turn into a doggy please." She asked softly. Alucard raised an eyebrow. "I won't do what a human asks of me…except for my master…she's an acceptation." Like I have no choice. He finished in his mind. Dove blinked at him. "But I'm not human," She removed her beanie revealing a pair of dark brown ears similar to Schrödinger's. "I'm a werewolf." She finished, smiling. Robin sighed again and removed her own beanie revealing black ears. "The secret is out thanks to you Dove!" Dove pouted. "I wanted you to see his doggy form!" Alucard was getting really annoying and sunk into the floor reappearing in front of a fridge filled with blood packs.

**Well here's chapter 6! It's basically an introduction to the "experts" and I know the names are a bit lame but I was thinking of Witch Hunter Robin and a school essay I did long ago. Also keep voting! Who should Alucard pick? Anderson or Seras? Review and vote!**


	7. Chapter 7:Fight for love and Youtube!

**Me: Ahem, well here's chapter 7 and I'm proud to say Evil Cookies has over 1,000 hits! You guys should all pat yourself on the back and you also receive a cookie! (Gives you a cookie) All right so…47 days till volume 8 and here's the results so far!**

**Seras:2**

**Anderson:2**

**Another tie…if you people don't decide soon I will take this into my own hands! (Grabs Cassul out of nowhere) I've got Alucard's gun and I'm not afraid to use it so COME ON AND VOTE!! (Sorry feeling emo at the moment)**

**Enjoy!**

Dove lounged in a couch wearing only a huge pink shirt that went down to her knees. Her beanie was off revealing her ears. She flipped through channels on the TV, finding nothing she skips off to the kitchen for a midnight snack. She opened the freezer finding Alucard crouched in there. "I-I'm n-n-not h-h-here." His teeth clattered as he talked. Dove just raised an eyebrow. "Just hand me the ice cream." She said holding a hand out. Alucard grabbed a nearby tub of ice cream and handed it to Dove. "Thanks." She said slamming the freezer door. "N-n-no problem…" Alucard mumbled behind the door.

Dove enjoyed her giant bowl of rocky road ice cream drowned in chocolate syrup when Seras came in wearing a rather surprisingly skimpy red nightgown. Dove looked up at her from the rim of her bowl. "Where's Alucard?" Seras asked. "Uhhhhhhh…" Dove mumbled, thinking to either protect the frozen vampire or just rat him out. She chose choice #2. "He's in the freezer cause he saw you and wanted to cool off." As Dove said that, in the depths of her mind she could hear Alucard growl. Seras jumped happily and opened the freezer door finding a shaking Alucard. No one could really tell if it was from fear or from the cold. Seras smiled widely and dragged the half-frozen vampire from the freezer. She smirked. "I'll warm you up." She whispered. Dove's ears twitched, hearing what Seras had said. Wow, who knew? Dove thought to her self as she shoveled the remaining ice cream into her mouth.

Anderson came through the window, gasping in surprise at the scene. "I thought you loved me!" He cried. Alucard just looked at both of them while Dove somehow got a bowl of popcorn and watched the scene. "My new favorite TV show!" She exclaimed, her mouth full of popcorn. Robin groggily walked in, wearing a black tank top and black shorts. "What's the racket?" She asked sounding pretty pissed off. She looked up and instantly sat next to Dove and ate the popcorn. Anderson grabbed Alucard's melting hand. "Don't you remember the good times we had?" He asked Seras scowled. "I knew him longer than you did!" She yelled. "At least I'm not a slut!" He yelled back. That did it. Seras let go of Alucard's arm and smashed Anderson to the nearest wall. Alucard took this chance to phase out to safety. Dove and Robin watched the paladin and Draculina brawl.

"I win." Pip said happily, putting his cards down. The other men groaned as Pip dragged the jackpot to him. "Anozer game?" He asked. Just as he asked that, Anderson and Seras crashed through the wall. "I dare you to say that again!" Seras shouted as she grabbed the table nearest table and smashing him on the head with it. "I said you were a SLUT!" He emphasized slut and Seras was just about ready to tear off his head. But instead she tore a leg off. "How do you feel now huh?" She asked holding the leg up like a trophy. Robin came through the hole in the wall with a video camera. Dove came beside her with a bowl of popcorn. Pip just sat at the table-less area, holding his winnings close to him. By this time Seras was strangling Anderson.

Integra sat smoking one of her cigars with a cup of tea near her. Something isn't right, She thought. It's too quiet. As if on queue Anderson and Seras crashed through the wall…again. "You know what you are? You're a friggin priest with a problem with people who are different! You psychotic mofo!" With every word Seras added a punch. Integra's eye twitched when Dove and Robin came with a video camera. Integra slammed her fist on her desk. "What is going on?" She shouted. Everyone froze. Dove raised her hand. Integra sighed. "Yes Dove?" She said. "Well, Seras was getting Alucard out of the freezer to "warm him up" then Anderson crashed through the window and then Seras and Anderson started arguing Anderson called Seras a slut and then she slammed him to a wall and crashed through it she proceeded to beat the hell out of him and then we smashed through your wall." Dove said all in one breath. Integra's eye twitched again. "Robin Dove. Have you found a cure." She hissed, through her clenched teeth. Robin scowled. "We've only been here for one day! You can't expect us to find a cure in one day!" She yelled. Pip popped in. 'Um…iz zis a bad time to ask for a raise?" He asked. Integra snapped and hurled her ashtray at him, hitting him square in the forehead. Integra regained her posture. "Alright, just tell me when you get a breakthrough." She said calmly. "Now go on with your business and Anderson," He looked up from his position. "You are to leave tonight." She finished. Everyone got back to their own business. Robin caressed her camera in a corner. "Youtube…" She whispered, smiling. Dove popping in. "I made brownies…" She said softly. Robin stood up and attacked the plate Dove was holding.

**Well here it is! You're starting to learn the personality's of the "experts" and most of the plot is coming together and obviously I like to write about Dove she's just so spontaneous! Please review and vote I got 21(?) reviews out of 1,000 hits.**


	8. Chapter 8: The return of Doggycard

**Me: Ok well, my computer has been taken away but don't worry! I've managed to get on my parents computer. Also, I've decided to cut out the voting! It will be more unpredictable. So…37 more days till volume 8…can't wait!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing but if I did Alucard would wish Integra were back.**

**Enjoy!**

Robin sat in a balcony, meditating. It was noon but it was slowly creeping to night and Robin wanted to be well prepared. Meanwhile, Dove sat in front of the computer downloading and uploading stuff. She blinked when she found something very interesting. "Hey, it's Walter when he was young!" She shouted. She watched the video more. "…Wow…go Walter." She quickly downloaded the video. Dove smiled mischievously as she picked up Robin's video camera. "Now…time to show the world, Anderson getting beat up by Seras in lingerie!" She mumbled before reaching for a cup of hot coffee.

Alucard walked around in his hellhound form, hoping the disguise would work better. Almost everyone didn't notice him a few took double takes. He lounged in front of the fireplace like an ordinary dog would before along came Seras. She was happily dancing to some song in her head and mouthing the words. She picked up a book and lounged in a chair near him. It seems she hasn't noticed me. He thought to himself. He mentally shrugged it off and started to take a nap.

Robin came walking into the living room finding Seras reading a book and some strange dog napping in front of the fireplace. All Seras needs is a pipe and those little hats. She thought to herself. (You know those fancy rich guys!) She walked over and sat in a nearby couch. "What are you reading?" Robin asked. Seras looked up from her book. "Oh it's The Vampire Lestat (I highly suggest it!). It's very interesting, it makes me think." She said smiling. "Oh," Robin said, "can I read it after you're done?" Seras nodded. "Sure, I'm just about 40 pages away from the end." Seras got back to reading. Robin eyed the sleeping dog not too far away. She walked over to it and poked it. The dog growled a little. Robin smirked and continued to poke it. The dog growled louder and opened all of its eyes. Robin yelped and jumped back.

The Doggy-card was standing now finding two very confused women staring at him. Seras's eyes widened and sparkled. "How cute!" She shouted before leaping onto him, snuggling him to death….err…life. Doggy-card tried scrambling away but was held in a death grip. _Police Girl let go of me! _He shouted to her mentally. Seras gasped and immediately let go of him. Robin was holding up her camera. "Why'd you stop? I was enjoying his torture!" She yelled. Seras slowly stood up. "M-master…" She mumbled. Doggy-card shifted into the one and only Alucard. Seras stared at him before, again, glomping him. "Anderson isn't here so you're all mine!" She said cheerfully. Alucard instantly stiffened. It was one of those rare times he wished Anderson were there. As if on queue Anderson crashed through the window wearing what looked like a ninja outfit with his jacket over it. "I will save you my love!" he yelled. He leapt and joined in the glomping. Robin was snapping pictures like crazy. Walter came in with the ice buckets of blood but stopped when he noticed the glomping session. "Um, Miss Robin what's happening?" He asked. "Looks like a group hug!" Dove said out of nowhere, nearly giving the retainer a heart attack. Robin sighed. "It's just another of 'those' fights." She said. Walter looked at Anderson and Seras snuggling what looked like a cardboard Alucard. "I'll just go ahead and drop this off." Walter commented, quickly walking away.

Alucard was in a sticky situation. Even if he phases away he'd take them with him. A solution came to him. I'm a friggin badass vampire! I can turn to mist. He thought to himself. So, he did. The cloud of black fog quickly moved to the shadows. Seras and Anderson stood staring at the empty spot Alucard was in. The staring turned to glaring. "This is all your fault!" They both yelled at each other. Somehow Seras got a hold of her Harkonnen and aimed it at Anderson. Robin started freaking out. "Don't fire that thing IN HERE!" She shouted at her. Too late. Seras fired it and sent Anderson to kingdom come. (Err…at least that's how I think it's spelled) Dove and Robin stared at the bloody pulp known as Anderson, the only thing you can see it's really him is the few bayonets that are sticking out of his jacket. (Bottomless pockets!) Dove came up to Seras and gave her a high five. "Now that's what I call Girl Power!" Dove said cheerfully. Seras just smiled back. Dove looked at the huge gun in Seras's hands. "What's that? Your gun? If it is it's huge!" Dove said. Seras just smiled and nodded. "Yeah this is the Harkonnen, my gun." Seras said, slightly lifting it up. Dove blinked a bit. "Does Alucard have a gun this big?" Robin asked, coming up to inspect the Harkonnen. "No, Alucard has a pistol but it is pretty big for a pistol." Seras commented, recalling the museum incident. (Hellsing volume 2 when Integra and Maxwell meet) Robin crossed her arms over chest. "Must effect his ego…" She mumbled. Dove's ears twitched hearing what Robin said. I wonder where Alucard will hide this time? Dove thought looking at the dancing flames in the fireplace.

Alucard was in the one disguise you would never see. Girly-card.

**Oh god I HAVE to stop there! Cliffhanger! Hehe I'm so looking forward to writing the next part of this! Please review!**


	9. Chapter 9: Girlycard arrives!

**Me: So sorry for the long update! I was busy and I had the case of writers block. Damn you writers block! Anyways here's chapter 9 of Evil Cookies who has over 2000 hits! I'd like to thank you all who've been with this story since the beginning. Well enough rambling.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing if I did then I'd drag Alucard around on a leash. Literally. **

**Enjoy!**

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Alucard walked through the halls of the Hellsing manor, flinching at every sound. So what was so different? The fact that he's flinching? Nah, that's normal. He was walking down these halls in the one form that he hasn't used in a long time, since World War II. Girly-card.

I hope no one recognizes me like this, she thought to herself, Walter knows but I'll kill him if he tells anyone it's me! She mentally held her fist up threateningly. Girly-card was so engrossed into her thoughts she bumped into what felt like a brick wall. She didn't say anything but started to avoid the wall before a hand stopped her. Girly-card looked up and gasp when it was the one person she really didn't want to see at the moment. Pip.

"What are you doing here all by yourself?" He asked. Girly-card just shrugged the hand off. "I work here, numb nuts," She scoffed, "now move aside I need to get somewhere." The first thought that went through Pip's head was that this girl was worse than Integra on PMS. (A/N: That must be the worst! O.O) Of course Girly-card heard this. Before she was about to do a come back. She was interrupted by a strike to the back. She fell forward, right onto Pip.

Dove straightened up from her deed. "No need to thank me Pip!" She said before skipping off. Girly-card was just about ready to kill Pip…and Dove. "Oh my." A voice said behind them. Girly-card twitched. She knew that voice. "Walter…" She growled out. "Alu-?" Before he could finish that statement a warning came up in his mind. I'm in disguise you idiot! Walter sneered. "Pip, who is this lovely girl you have?" He asked putting on an innocent smile. Pip looked down at the really pissed woman in his arms. "I don't know, what is your name by the way?" He asked. Girly-card tensed. Come on think of something, anything! She thought. "My name is Elizabeth." She said calmly. Walter's innocent smile fell and he walked away, grumbling about exposing or something. Girly-card sighed before looking up at the still smirking Pip. "Can you let go now?" She asked through clenched teeth. "Well that will need convincing." Pip said bringing his face closer. Girly-card growled and pushed Pip off with her enormous strength, sending him flying into a wall.

Yay, Integra let me have a night to myself! Seras thought to herself as she changed into a new shirt. Before she pulled it on over her bra a crash was heard. She looked toward the noise and saw Pip's head sticking out of the wall. He looked up and smirked. Seras pulled the shirt all the way down and grabbed her Harkonnen. "Pervert!" She yelled. Boom!

Girly-card huffed and stormed toward her quarters.

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**There'll be about 2 chapters with Girly-card and then…well I won't tell you. It'll just ruin it! Anyways please review! Your reviews make me happy!**


	10. Chapter 10:Night out

**Me: All right so this is chapter 10 of Evil Cookies and chapter 2 of the Girly-card "effects" as I call it. This is the last one for Girly-card sadly but don't worry more randomness to come! Also there will be a special guest, inspired by my friend's role playing character DEx.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing…I cannot think of anything sarcastic at the moment.**

**ENJOY!**

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Seras happily skipped from her destroyed room and an injured Pip. This will be fun! She thought to herself. First I'll go clubbing, shop for new clothes, and make some new friends! Seras' cheeks were a bright rosy color by then. She blinked when she saw a figure from the far distance. I've never seen this person before. She thought as she started walking faster towards the figure. The closer she got she began to identify it as a _girly _figure.

Is there anything to do here! Girly-card thought to herself. She stopped and looked towards the nearest wall. She rushed to it and began to bang her head on it. (A/N: Wouldn't you in extreme boredom?) She felt a tap on her shoulder and whirled around. There stood a slightly scared Seras who was dressed quite comfortably. "Who are you? I haven't seen you around before." Seras asked. Girly-card cleared her throat. "I'm Elizabeth I work here but was sent away cause of an injury." Hehe and I just made that all up just now. Girly-card thought to her proudly. "Oh," Seras trailed off then her face brightened up, "you want to go to town with me?" She asked, her eyes twinkling. "Well," Girly-card stuttered. "Ok then let's go!" Seras said before grabbing Girly-cards arm and dragging her along.

They're arrived at a club called, Club Thrill Girly-card was pretty much dragged the whole way. Not wanting to have anything to do with socializing. Once they were inside Girly-card immediately went to a dark corner away from everyone. "Why did Police Girl drag me here anyway?" She growled. Some mysterious guy came over to her corner, he had dark red hair, wore a black muscle shirt, and tattered jeans. "That's my seat." He said calmly. Girly-card shot him a glare. "I don't see your name on it." She growled at him. The stranger just raised an eyebrow. He took out a pocketknife and carved a name into the table. It read, 'Ray'. "There, my name is on it." Girly-card just glared at him and stayed where she was. Ray sighed, came over, and sat on Girly-card's lap. "What the hell?" She yelled, pushing him off. He just stood up and brushed his self off. "You wouldn't move." Girly-card growled. "This table can seat 10 people! Pick a chair!" She yelled, motioning to the surrounding chairs. Seras rushed over. "I heard you yelling, what's wrong?" She asked. Girly-card pointed at Ray. "He's an asshole! That's what's wrong!" Seras just stood there and stared at the new stranger. She went over to Girly-card. "I think you found your special someone." Seras said in a singsong voice. Girly-card's face flushed in anger. "Gah!" She screamed. She stood up and rushed to the door, shoving anyone in her way. She ran to an empty alley and changed herself back to Alucard. "Now I remember why I stopped using this form!" Alucard yelled before banging his head on the wall.

Back at the Hellsing Manor…

"I'm back! And I brought a friend!" Seras shouted, busting through the front door and with her…was Ray. Alucard stiffened when he heard her. Anderson popped out from a random suitcase and ran by. "Heathen!" He yelled. Then Pip walked by with a stereo which was playing "Evil and a Heathen" by Franz Ferdinand. Ray walked up to Alucard who just twitched as he approached even closer. "So who's this guy?" Ray said casually. "Oh he's my mast-" Seras paused, "he's some guy I know." Alucard twitched again. "Hm are you guys in a relationship?" Ray asked, looking Alucard over like some accused person. "Nah not really." Seras said smiling innocently. "Yo!" Dove said, popping out of nowhere. Ray just stood staring at the girl wearing a pink midriff tank top, beanie, and shorts. "Are you a hippie?" He asked. Dove shrugged. "I like how they dress." She smiled. Integra came over smoking 5 cigars at once. "Who's this guy?" She asked, her voice muffled from the cigars. "His name is Ray, I met him went I went out." Seras said. Alucard fazed out of the room, grumbling about the new comer.

Ray walked through the halls of the Hellsing Manor his hands in his pockets. From some strange series of events he got into the Hellsing Organization. He looked around and found the surroundings unfamiliar. "Great, I'm lost." He shouted into the empty hall. He turned the way he came from and started walking. I wonder what I get to do here…He thought to himself. He turned a sharp corner and bumped right into Pip. "So sorry sir. Oh, you're that new guy!" Pip said holding his hand out. "My name is Pip Vernadead, I am your captain." Ray took the given hand. "Ray." Pip smiled. "Ray huh? Great I'm sure you'll like it here…if you like chaos" Pip mumbled the last part and walked off. Ray heard it. "Chaos eh?" He smirked. Right when he said it Jan burst through the wall on fire. "Gah! Help I'm burning!" He yelled before jumping out a window. Robin peeked through the scorched hole. "It was just a match…" She mumbled, scratching her ears. Ray's eyes widened when he saw her cat ears. Robin blinked at the stranger. "Who're you?" She asked her ears twitching. "I'm Ray and…what's with the ears?" He said grabbing one of her ears. "Ow! Hey, no touchy! And I'm a werewolf." He blinked, shrugged and walked off. "I might actually stick around." He mumbled, smirking.

Seras skipped happily through the halls, sipping on a bag of blood. Then plopped on a couch next to Dove. "What ya watching?" Seras asked. Dove shrugged. "Something about some cult in New York experiments on gerbils to take over the world." Dove replied. Seras shrugged. "There are crazy people in New York." Alucard fazed in and sat in a separate couch, looking bored out of his mind. Dove stared at him before stealing his hat and running off. "Hey give me my hat back!" He shouted running after her. Robin ninja in eating cake. "Where'd you get the cake?" Seras asked suspiciously. After the cookie and pie incident I'll never trust sweets again. Seras thought bitterly. "I dunno. I found this n the fridge behind some iced tea." Robin fished out a glass of iced tea and drank it. Seras frowned a bit before rushing to the fridge. You just can't refuse a good-looking cake.

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**All right so this is chapter 10 so sorry for the long wait but I just never was able to find inspiration till my friend role-played. I think I found my muse…Anyways I tried to make this chapter longer but I think I failed miserably. So review and the chapters will keep coming!**


	11. Chapter 11: An Experiment

**Me: ALL RIGHT! I see no one is loving chapter 10 so I've decided t start working on chapter 11 early and not slack off. I've got so many ideas for this chapter you guys will not see this coming!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing cause if I did I'll probably order Pip to wear a pretty pink dress…in combat.**

**ENJOY!! (You better…)**

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Seras sat on a kitchen countertop eating a rather large piece of cake. Ray walked by and went to the fridge. "Who took my iced tea…?" He asked menacingly. Seras shivered slightly. He can be scary when he wants to. She thought, munching on the cake. "It was Robin!" She quickly said. Next thing she knew Ray sped off. "He's fast…" She mumbled. Dove skipped over and sat next to Seras. "Hey Seras…I have a question." Dove asked Seras childishly. Seras finished off her cake. "Shoot." Dove twiddled her thumbs a bit. "Can vampires have babies?" Seras' jaw dropped. "Err…um…uh…I d-dunno." Seras stuttered. Dove sighed. "Fine…I'll go ask Alucard then!" Dove jumped off the kitchen counter and bounded off. "I wouldn't ask him if I were you!" Seras yelled after her. No response. "I don't think she listened…or chose to." She grumbled.

Alucard just walked through the halls, bored. I can always annoy Integra but that usually ends with me as Swiss cheese. There's always Police Girl or the new guy…Alucard continued thinking until he heard his name. "ALUUCAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRD!!!!" He suddenly felt an impact on his back and was being flown across the hall till he crashed into a wall. Dove stood up from her deed. "I need to ask you something." Alucard just grumbled through the rubble. He stood up and shot a glare at Dove. "What?" He growled through clenched teeth. "Can vampires have babies?" Alucard twitched. "W-what did you say?" He asked raising an eyebrow. "Can. Vampires. Have. Babies?" Dove said slowly. "Well…I'm not too sure myself." Alucard admitted. Dove raised an eyebrow. "So Vlad can't answer either…this calls for an experiment!" Dove said before bounding off. Alucard stood there, confused and wondering what type of blood would be served.

"SERAS!!!" Dove yelled before head butting Seras into a wall. "What do you want…?" Seras mumbled. "I have an experiment to conduct! But I'm missing something…" Seras raised an eyebrow. "What?" Dove smirked. "You…" She said, being all evil. Seras scooted away a bit. "Umm…" "Now come on!" Dove yelled, grabbing Seras' arm and dragging her off.

Alucard and Seras stood in front of some closet door, Dove smiling like some kid who got away with stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. "Alright I give up. What is this 'experiment'?" Seras asked. Dove's smile only got wider. "You two screw in this closet for a full day and then we see if Seras gets pregnant!" There was an awkward silence. "WHAT?!" Alucard and Seras said in unison. "You heard me! Go in there and fuck!" Dove shoved Alucard and Seras into the closet and locked it. "Let us out!!" Seras cried. "Eek! That's a bad touch! Hey…hey! No! EEK!!" Dove walked away triumphant.

"Where's the bathroom?" Ray asked no one in particular. He heard some noises in the closet. "What the-?" "Help me!! Rape!" He heard Seras yell. "Da fuck!" He finished. He went to kick the door in but he felt a shiver down his spine. "Something tells me if I open this door I will be dead…might as well just ignore this." He continued walking off.

Robin whistled away, eating yet another sort of sweet. Her ears twitched when she heard something…not right. She neared the closet and slowly placed her ear on the door. She immediately pulled away, blushing wildly. "I'll just pretend I didn't hear that…" She quickly walked away. "Must be one of Dove's antics put to work" She sighed. (A/N: Yes, I'm going to put everyone's reaction to the noises of the "Closet of Doom")

Integra growled when her 'pet' has suddenly gone missing. "Where is that damn vampire?" She growled. She headed toward the basement but upon closing in on one of the many coat closets…she heard noises…and they weren't exactly…right. "Is Pip banging some whore in there?" She went over and knocked on the door. "Pip, pull your pants up and get out here!" She commanded. Silence. The door opened a crack revealing Seras' blond head. "Seras? I never knew you were into Pip that way?" She asked, utterly confused. "Umm…it's not Pip…." She mumbled, her face becoming redder. "Oh? Then who?" Alucard's head popped out through the door. "Hello Master." He said, smiling his insane smile. Integra froze…then fainted.

Pip chatted happily with one of his men. He waved goodbye to him when they went for a snack. "I've lived here for…how long? And I still can't find a bathroom in this hell hole!" He started running toward some random direction but ended up tripping over something. "What the-Integra?!" He quickly stood up to see a limp Integra on the floor. "Either she drank too much or she saw something horrifying." Pip said staring at Integra. He kicked her lightly receiving a moan. "Seras…closet…Alucard…bang bang…" Integra mumbled. Pip stared at her like she grew a tail. "Bang bang?" He heard voices from the closet. All he could pick out was: Integra, Dove, apologize, not needed, and such. He stood there staring at the door till he put two and two together. "Oh my God!" He shouted, running away. Alucard's head poked though the door. "Who was it this time?" Seras asked from inside. "Dunno…" he shrugged and got back to business. (A/N: **cough cough nudge nudge**)

The next day 8:00pm…

Dove skipped through the mansion looking for a particular closet. When she reached the door someone yelled, "Stop!" She turned around and saw it to be Pip. "I wouldn't open that door if I were you!" He said. Dove just raised an eyebrow. "What?" She asked. "Well, it seems there's some vampire banging in there." Dove raised her eyebrow more. "I know, I was the one that put them in there." She told Pip. Pip just stood there staring at the door. "Oh…" He pulled out a camera. "Continue I wanna get pics!" Dove shrugged and opened the door. There stood fully dressed Seras and Alucard. "Damnit! I wanted to get some blackmail worthy pictures!" Pip cried. "Stop whining! There are more important matters to attend to!" She pulled Seras out of the closet and ran away. Leaving the two men in some awkward silence. "So…you and Seras…" Pip started. Alucard just smiled. "Oh yes!" He said that and phased out. Pip stared at the spot Alucard phased out of and contemplated what was on T.V.

Dove shoved Seras and a small box into a bathroom. "That's a pregnancy test! Just pee on it and I will see if you are pregnant or not." Dove said, shutting the door. "O-okay!" Seras said in the bathroom. She pulled out the pregnancy test and began to pull down her skirt. "Now we don't need to use that now." She heard a sultry voice say. "M-master!" Dove heard him. "Alucard didn't you get enough the last 24 hours!" She burst through the door to see Alucard's hand on Seras' stomach. "What the hell are you doing?" Dove yelled. "I can tell if she is impregnated or not." Dove just stood there. "Huh…didn't know that. Well what's the news Vlad?" Alucard stayed silent. "She is pregnant isn't she!" Dove said excitedly. Alucard stayed silent. "She-"

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**CLIFFHANGER!!!!! I feel so evil…but I just wanted to leave people guessing. So…what do you think? Is she pregnant or is she not?**


	12. Chapter 12:The News

**Hey guys! How long has it been? 3 months? Sorry…I forgot about my fanfic and fans! Dx Well…Here's chapter 12. :3 **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing. Kouta Hirano does. That lucky bastard can draw very good. ;;**

**ENJOY!!**

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**Last time…**

"_Alucard didn't you get enough the last 24 hours!" She burst through the door to see Alucard's hand on Seras' stomach. "What the hell are you doing?" Dove yelled. "I can tell if she is impregnated or not." Dove just stood there. "Huh…didn't know that. Well what's the news Vlad?" Alucard stayed silent. "She is pregnant isn't she!" Dove said excitedly. Alucard stayed silent. "She-"_

"She's pregnant all right…" Alucard said, twitching slightly. Dove jumped in the air, cheering. "I gottta tell everyone this!" She ran down the halls, screaming: "Seras is pregnant with Alucard's baby!" Everyone, especially Pip, Integra, and Anderson, held a very shocked face. "…What?" Pip said, his eye twitching slightly. Anderson growled, clenching his fists tightly at his sides. Integra silently lit a cigar.

Seras walked out sipping on a blood pack. She hung her head when an other person gave her a congratulations. "Why…?" She whispered to herself. Something poked her back and she yelped, quickly turning around. Robin silently waved. "I heard the news…Must suck…Alucard will be a horrible father." Robin said, almost whispering. Seras began getting images of what Alucard would be like as a father…

_Dream sequence…_

The young boy ran happily through the grassy fields in the moonlight. His mother, sat silently under a tree, smiling kindly. His father, leaning against the tree, with that same smirk he'd always have. Sounds good, right?

WRONG!

Alucard patted his son's head. "Drink the blood. Without it, you, your mother, and I can't live."

Alucard checked the paper held in his hands. "Uh huh…You're failing in math." "It's just a C-!!" The young boy exclaimed. "B- or above only!"

"Dad, I want to learn how to fly!" Alucard sighed. "All right…Come with me." He grabbed the boy's hand and took him to a window on a second floor. "All right..." Alucard grabbed his waist and held him out the window. "I'll drop you and if you don't fly you'll get a broken something."

Seras cringed. "Oh, God!" She yelled, twitching wildly. Robin nodded. "Exactly." She walked off. Seras just stood there. Still twitching madly, gripping the blood pack so tightly the blood squirted out.

Alucard banged his head on a wall somewhere far off. "I thought you were dead!" He yelled at his crotch. He pounded his fist in the wall. "I'm not ready to be a father!" He pounded his fist against the wall again, creating a hole. "Damnit…" He whispered to himself as he slumped to the floor. "Hey!" Dove exclaimed, popping up from behind him. Alucard didn't flinch.

Dove blinked and poked his head. "Hey, dude. You okay?" Alucard just twitched and gave her a glare of doom. "Go…Away…" Dove just stood there with a stupid smile on her face. "I'm gonna go ahead and guess, no?" She asked. Alucard kept giving her the glare of doom. Dove still stood there….With a retarded smile. Alucard let out a sigh and shifted out.

"Robin!" Dove yelled, jumping high in the air and glomping her sister. "Alucard went emo…" Robin sighed. "Great." She said, sarcastically. Ray popped out of nowhere. "What did I miss?" He asked. The sisters just stared at him. "You were gone?" Dove asked, raising an eyebrow. "Yes. I was looking for Robin. She took my iced tea." Ray glared at the said person. Robin chuckled nervously before bolting down the hall, Ray after her. "You owe me a new iced tea!" Ray yelled. Dove stood there, staring at the direction the two ran off. "Just another day at Hellsing Manor…" She said quietly, walking off. "Hmm…I wonder if there's any of that cake left?"

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**Well, here's chapter 12. I tried making this chapter longer but I think I failed miserably…Again. Please review! They make me have a reason to write!**


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